What Was His Problem?
There he stood in front of me. Not upright — more hunched, not in his power. He reminded me of myself when I went through my divorce. I only saw myself, but now I was standing on my own two feet again as a strong man, and I knew it was only temporary.
I approached him, he didn't want to talk. Who does, when they're in trouble. Nobody wants to share their problems — one because he's ashamed, the other because he thinks it's unmanly. I back off quickly, but only when someone can convincingly push me away. When he seeks out the conversation in some way, I dive in — into his world, I put myself in his position. I start feeling, I stop thinking, I stop watching my words and I stop explaining myself.
When that point is reached, there are only 2 options for the other person. Either he allows open and direct conversation, or he says: done, finished, I don't want to talk to you anymore.
He didn't say that. He asked: "How did you manage to walk through everyday life with so much joy. I can feel that you're doing well, that's obvious."
I looked at him, deep in the eyes, and said: "Life is far too short. You think everything is over now, but it isn't. That's only how you feel right now, that's only today — in a year you'll be in love again and you'll love your life."
He looked at me like I was from the moon. He said: "I don't believe that. I think it's over. My life has no meaning anymore."
He didn't want to stop talking, and neither did I — because I know how crucial those conversations are for people who have just lost all hope.
I knew I will help him.
I offered to talk more deeply over dinner, because that public event wasn't the right place to get into the details.
How did I know he wanted to get into them? Well, look — I've been in contact with people since I was 13, through my work in retail. Back then I had to learn that understanding what someone needs is the most important part. It's about finding out what the person standing in front of you wants. Doesn't matter if it's at a car dealership or a bakery — a person standing across from you wants something.
This man wanted experiences he didn't have. I had them. And what did I want? I wanted to help and share my knowledge, so that another person could grow out of pain. That was the deal. I share my knowledge, he pays me for it. That's how the world works and that's okay. The deal is fair.
What Was His Expectation? What Did I Promise?
When we were at dinner, I could sense he had already sought professional help — but that help hadn't been serious enough for him. Too shallow, too soft, not direct enough. I'm completely different. I speak to people in a way that is clearly hard and direct. Some can't handle it at first, but those who can — they grow fast and without detours. I don't like wasting my time. Life is short, and when I spend time with a person I want to use that time as well as possible.
His expectations for our work together were very clear, he said it directly. Things like: "I want to become as stable as you are, I want to have that joy again, I want to stand in my power. I want out of this victim mentality."
I made him a promise. Come here to my place and we work together in person, because I won't be able to do this over the phone. You need a friend on the ground who shows you how to walk through the day without looking like someone beat the life out of you.
What Happened?
He took his time, reached out by email, but still had fear of the real work. A lot of people do. They postpone it, don't yet trust themselves, doubt their own decisions, question the options available to them. They push the work off. The pain only grows — and when it grows, the hope comes back that there was that one guy who had promised he could help.
He booked me, traveled here, and we spent a week together. Every day, morning to evening. He was easy to work with because he had made a decision. When someone decides from within themselves, I have the best foundation for my work — because they trust themselves and their decision, and that gives me the freedom to act in my work the way I believe is right.
My job is not to dig around in his past looking for mistakes. My work as a mentor is to show him where he can take concrete action so his life gets better immediately. Whether it's how he speaks, how he holds his body, how he meets new people, the way his eyes run away so he doesn't have to look someone in the face because he's still ashamed. These are things I notice immediately and address immediately. I don't waste time — when the strangers are gone, there's a direct word. I don't ask if he's okay with it, I tell him: "Come on man, why do you always avoid introducing yourself properly — are you scared or what? Don't you feel worthy enough? Are you still in victim mode or what?"
You quickly realize this person still has work to do. He doesn't feel worthy enough, and as a mentor you have to change that immediately. How? You prove it to him on the spot, in the very next moment. You take him to the gym, you train, and you say: let's say hello, let's learn this. This is my friend Marcus, introduce yourself, I've known him for the past few months. You watch him learn from the experience. His handshake is stronger than it was that morning, he looks the guy in the eyes, he stands up straight. Well done. The introduction still needs work, we can do better. So at the next friend, introduce again — already better. Now to finish, a woman — the anxiety is back, the shoulder drops, the back curves, but I step beside him and give him a solid clap on the back. He knows now what's happening, he wakes up and comes to his senses.
These are small details and they have a massive impact. After 3 days in the gym, people notice this man is opening up — they come to him, he starts slapping hands instead of grabbing and shaking, really landing it. You hear the crack. The energy starts to flow through his entire body.
On day 5 he approaches someone on the street that he's seen before. He introduces himself again and tells me afterward: "See — I learned. I'm coming back out of myself."
What Was the Challenge?
Over dinner you reflect on this behavior. My role as a mentor is relevant because I see details that someone in a wounded phase simply cannot see. Why? Because that person is occupied with healing — not with analyzing the impact they have on others.
This is extremely important to understand. I see these details as a mentor because I am in my power. If I weren't, you a) wouldn't be reading this and b) I wouldn't be in demand. People book me from all over the world because I walk through life as if life itself wants me here every single day. It practically asks: "Alexandros, are you back today? Because life is genuinely incredible with you around."
That might sound a little arrogant, but don't forget what kind of hell I came through. I know the traps of the self-pity phase and what it truly means to surrender to the victim role and sink into it.
That's behind me. I no longer look back — only at what is here now and how I solve these challenges in the present. I know the solutions because I only think in solutions. I spot the problem fast, then I work directly on the fix.
The clients who come to me only see the problems. They are exhausted by them, have no strength left to find solutions. That's why they suffocate in their worries. Every day I create space with them so they can breathe — then they dig themselves out bit by bit, mentally, emotionally, physically, and find the light and the way up again.
That laughter comes from having talked themselves small. They laugh now because they know how wrong they were. Talking yourself small is human — our brain loves to do it. We're good at it. We're often simply no longer able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone knows that. The task is to clear the path forward again, and my job as a mentor is to always oversee the clearing and re-sorting, accompany the process of cleaning up, and not allow new worries and problems to block the tunnel again.
What Does It Look Like Today?
Am I good at it? Only my clients can judge that — but this particular case is today, many years later, back in his power. He survived separation and divorce and has built his self-worth enormously. He took the routines we learned together into his daily life — and more importantly, he integrated them.
I stay in contact with all my clients, but with him specifically I've been allowed to build a very personal bond. He often calls new prospects of mine and explains what I did. That builds trust with new people. They almost always decide to work together afterward — because the word of a man who was helped carries more weight than the word of some guy with a big nose talking himself up.
Thank you for reading, and I send you a lot of love. Alexandros